"You're considered superficial and silly if you are interested in fashion, but I think you can be substantial and still be interested in frivolity"

-Sofia Coppola

I WRITE TO ESCAPE FROM STUDYING MATH

I never used to mind being single. I am not and never was ashamed to say I have been single my whole life. A part of me even prided myself in that fact. "Unconquerable", I used to say. Having never been kissed, I used to feel like a prized geisha. Do not get me wrong, I do not feel any disdain or disgust for anyone who isn't as virginal as I am. I do not think less of them or think that I am any better. Growing up and being (indirectly) told through narrow-minded Catholicism that boys are lying manipulators that will bring you no good, that sex is bad and disgusting, that your virginity is what defines you, I suppose that I just always thought it was an admirable thing that I have never succumbed to any boy's persuasions. Now, being more worldly and immersed in different beliefs, I have realized that I have been looking at it all wrong. It's isn't that I've had to control myself when boys take interest. I do give them a chance. It just doesn't ever go anywhere.




I never thought being single all my life would be anything to someone other than myself. That is until last week when my Dad jokingly asked my brother to look for a guy suitable enough to be my boyfriend. I feel like Katherine in Taming of the Shrew. My own father thinks I'm so horrid that no guy would want to be with me and has to enlist the help of someone else (in my case, a sibling). What makes me really sad is knowing that I am (almost) 18 years old and still incapable of forming human bonds. Countless people have walked in and out of my life and not one of them has actually really known me and I have never really known them. I make friends, but not best friends (even just the concept of trusting someone with everything baffles me). I have never had a romantic relationship with someone because it is hard work. Finding someone you can connect with is difficult. Sometimes I wish I was not so complicated and odd and problematic and hard to please so that I wouldn't find human interaction so challenging. I just haven't found anyone who is worth all the trouble. and that's that. If you ask anyone who knows me personally, they will tell you I am not a fan of compromise and that's what relationships need in order to survive (Correct me if I am wrong, because obviously I'm not someone anyone should listen to when it comes to this matter). My Mom told me several years ago (when I was imagining prince charming would sing me a love song outside my house) "You'll have a boyfriend when you're ready. You need to be self-less first" which I think I can never be.



I think what makes people's relationships survive is their naivete (I feel people might take offense, but this is just what I believe). Everyone thinks of love as a magical feeling that supposedly lasts forever (how these people even think it is possible is beyond me) and they do not choose who they love and blah blah. I sound so cynical. I do believe in love. I do. I just don't believe in falling in love. I do not know the exact meaning of "falling in love" or the feeling these people are referring to when they use the term. I simply believe you love people because of how much time you spend with them. I love my parents because I have known them my whole life. They beat me and they scream at me and they insult me, but I love them. How is romantic love any different? My parents wed because my Mom was pregnant, but they're still together now and they're very happy and in-love. That's because it has been 18 years and they've stuck by each other, made sacrifices, compromised and that's how you end up loving someone. Unless you're being abused or haven't been with a person long enough, then you're probably just divorcing someone because you think you're going to find "true love" elsewhere.



I used to think that someday, maybe, there would be that one guy who would not freak out when he finally gets to know me. The Andy to my Allison (The Breakfast Club), the Joel to my Clementine (Eternal Sunshine...), the Paulie to my Juno (Juno), the Paul to my Hollie (Breakfast at Tiffany's), the Kyun-woo to my Girl (My Sassy Girl), the Nino to my Amelie (Amelie). FYI. I am just naming female characters who are considered odd and somewhat hard to love, but end up finding love anyway. But years have passed and I am starting to think that a boy (or girl, I could go both ways) who will see my quirks and baggage as lovable does not exist. I'm coming to realize that my so called "quirks" are really just horrible personality problems that make me an insufferable human being. *sigh*

I wouldn't mind being single all my life. I'll be in the company of amazing women such as Coco Chanel, Queen Elizabeth I and tons more!


And once again, I have forgotten what my point was when I started this.

My posts show just how messy my train of thought is

I have been on edge for the past few days. I feel like there is this giant stress ball building up inside and it is going to explode soon in the form of an emotional breakdown, panic attack or a blackout. College has been such a huge weight on my back and I am only on my freshman year so I know it's just going to get heavier from here. Sometimes I wish I had just gone to DLSU where I could slack off and still pass or even probably be a Dean's Lister. But I am here in Ateneo where you're already too dumb to take regular Math before school even starts, where slacking off for a day can result in you failing a whole class, where you're treated like professionals even in PE!

I am always whining about school, but it's not like I exert a lot of effort. I wouldn't call myself a hard worker. I get very discouraged by small setbacks so I end up not giving my best because I don't think it will do any good. I know that I should really be a better student by now- especially now because I am in college. Before all the college hoo-ha started and I was just about to apply to different schools, my Dad talked to me. He asked me if I was sure about Ateneo. I said "Duh!". It was my dream school. I imagined everyone to be extremely intellectual and posh, but I never actually imagined the studying and working hard part. I guess because I am still in my first year and because college is so different from high school (where I could just coast around and cheat all the time) I am finding it very hard to adjust and it is just taking a long time. I am trying to shake myself and scream just to get myself to focus more, but I am just so bad at things when I have no interest in doing them (I think it stems from my nature to be needlessly defiant).

Anyway, because of the stress that school has given me, I've picked up a nasty habit. I admit that it not only helps calm me down, but it also helps with my diet. It's quite sad that I have to resort to such measures just to be able to stop eating. That just goes to show how much self-control I really have. Somehow I feel like I'm doing it partly just to spite my Mother, but she can never know or else I'll get killed.

I have been following award shows and fashion week and it's making me very distracted. I have a Math test on Thursday and I need to get my shit together. I had a consultation with my professor and he said that to be able to pass Math, I have to get a 60 on all the upcoming tests. Wish me luck!

Excuse me, my dinner just arrived.

Pleats please!

Hello, lovelies! New York Fashion Week started yesterday! I haven't been able to watch the shows, but I have seen photos of every single look. I won't post them just yet, maybe I'll wait for NYFW to be over before I choose favorites (last season, my blog practically showed and talked about every single show, even the not-so-good ones). I am finding it really hard to restrain myself from posting about the shows, but if you click on over to my Tumblr, you'll be able to see the photos of the looks from the shows that I liked.

I have been going around malls and will soon be going around thrift stores (I hate that I can never find the time!) in search of the pleated skirt. I know you are asking "Who on earth does not own a pleated skirt?". Well, my friends, it is not just a pleated skirt that I am looking for. It's a specific kind which I am not sure what to call (because not enough people talk about it, not even in fashion blogs). A few years ago, I was probably about thirteen, it was the trend and everyone called them "electric pleats", but upon Google-ing this term, I was devastated to find out that no one actually calls it that (Seriously? Why the hell have we been calling them electric pleats all that time?). After some more rigorous Google-ing, I found out they are called "Sunray pleats" or 'Accordion pleats". I am certain there is a difference, but I cannot be bothered to examine them thoroughly enough to find out, so let's just call them the latter, because it appears to be the more well-known of the two.

We've seen them everywhere. If you follow this blog (which I am sure none of you actually do), you'll notice how I was very enthusiastic about these pleats appearing in last season's runway shows.


I've also been seeing it on fashion bloggers and street style blogs.


And of course a lot of celebrities have been working this look!


I think it's already a trend and I cannot wait until I find a pleated skirt / dress of my own! What do you guys think of this trend?