A few new friends of mine have recently discovered that I am a feminist! Wooh! Of course I've been having to endure the patronizing jokes that I expected would ensue. But sometimes they really do as me to explain aspects of it, like with slut-shaming. Try and make friends with any college student and let's see if they don't actively participate in slut-shaming. My friends, of course, do so regularly, and I try to just keep quiet whenever they do. I've expressed that I don't think judging someone based on their sexual practices is okay. But a few times they've asked me to explain why I believe this and of the times they've asked me 1. They laughed at me and 2. I was drunk at 2am. So I guess I've been wanting to just get it out and finally be able to express myself without the fear of being ridiculed (Hey, you can laugh at me in the comfort of your own homes without me seeing it) so I made this post. Also, once I get started on talking about this subject it's hard to pull back so I felt I just had to give my two cents on this viral video.
First of all, the title of the video "things i don't understand about girls" already bugs me. The title states that this video talks about GIRL issues. Not guy issues. Not guy and girl issues. Just GIRL issues. If sluttiness is about having a lot of sex and both boys and girls have sex, then why is sluttiness only a girl issue? The double standard in slut-shaming has been talked about so many times, but here's the issue. Slut-shaming is a feminist issue, because it targets girls. I've heard far too many an asshole say "guys can be sluts too." Let's not even go there.
When Jenna tries to explain who the "sluts" really are, she cannot form a concrete answer. (1:00) She says that the "slut" is the person we know who we think is a "slut." Okay, take a second to process that. Here, we can already see that trying to define the concept of a "slut" is impossible, because it's a stupid fucking made-up thing! No one can really define what it is, all they can do is go "you know.... a slut... you know what I'm talking about" and the terrible thing is that we DO know what they're talking about because society has so ingrained it in our heads. This skirt is slutty, drinking with guys is slutty, wearing too much make-up is slutty. It's confusing because these things have nothing to do with the act of sex and yet they're all considered slutty.
(2:00) Then she touches on one night stands and how she doesn't understand them. Jenna, girl, let me tell you that I am with you on that. How she described it was pretty funny because of how accurate it was. It is pretty terrifying getting buttnaked in front of a stranger, but other people think it's fine! Other people love that shit! I hate that shit! But what part of me hating it gives me the right to judge people who love it? None. And in this one night stand segment that the victim blaming starts (2:35). Jenna says that if you have a one night stand then you're in danger of being gang banged. Yup okay fair enough. The statistics don't lie. But then maybe in a different context it would seem like actual concern, but in the context of making a video about "sluts" who she then calls dumb, it is just very judge-y and blame-y (look at me making up words!)
(3:30) She calls out girls who have made really funny claims about how they aren't sluts because butt sex and oral sex aren't actual acts of sex. But yeah, it sounds funny when you hear it, but actually, seems pretty reasonable considering the weird concept we have of virginity. Virginity is never having have had a penis in your vagina and never having had your penis enter one? What about lesbians? Are they all virgins? Do their sex count as real sex? Gays? So it's understandable that these girls are confused about what really counts as sex. In the first place, why do these girls have to insist that they aren't sluts? Why do they have to explain themselves to people just so they won't be judged and looked down on?
Oh and in one point (5:20) she says that she doesn't get excited for a slutty friend who gets pregnant, because they don't know the father. Well, Jenna, that tells us how you feel about single mothers.
(5:30) Yes, of course we should help each other out. If you see someone about to be taken advantage of, help them! But how Jenna has phrased it is that when a girl is drunk and with some guy then asking them if they're okay will get their brain wheels turning and help them realize that they actually shouldn't go home with this guy; that we should "help he sluts of the world make bad slutty decisions." Here's what everyone needs to know: a girl doesn't decide to get raped. That's the rapist's decision to rape a girl. When a girl puts on a short skirt or goes home with a guy or gets really drunk, she doesn't think "Oh yeah I am so going to get raped wooh!" Nothing a girl can ever do can give anyone the right to rape her. Nothing she can ever do will make her deserving of rape. Why does a girl have to act a certain way just so she won't get raped? That's fucked up and dangerous. In this whole segment where she tells us to save the stupid helpless sluts from their stupid helpless selves who make stupid decisions to go home with a guy when they're drunk, she fails to understand a lot of things: 1. That being drunk means you cannot make the best decisions. It happens when you get drunk. It's not because you're stupid, it's because you're drunk. 2. No matter how mentally deficient you are, doesn't mean you deserve or are asking for rape. 3. You don't get raped because of your bad decisions. You get raped because some motherfucker decides to rape you. You could wear a fucking sombrero and five layers of turtlenecks and some asshole could still rape you. You don't blame the person who got raped for her rape. That shit gets you from decent human being to motherfucker who deserves to go through all the circles of hell.
In the last part, Jenna claims that sluttiness, to her, is really just based on sexual acts and not the appearances. She says that she will "only judge you based on "how many dicks you put in your body on a daily basis." Here's the thing, Jenna. Why would you judge anyone? The sex that someone else has is none of your goddamn business. Don't say people are animals because they have a lot of sex. Another really really problematic thing she says is that (8:38) girls who have a lot of sex do not respect themselves and their bodies. It's that rhetoric that I hear so many people have that just grinds my gears. Respecting your body does not mean hiding it. It could mean loving it so much that you show it off to everyone! The point is that you don't get to say how anyone feels about themselves.
Last point, if you think not having so many dicks inside of you doesn't feel good, then alright. But a lot of people like it. If they don't judge you for being so vanilla in the bedroom then don't judge them. You are not above anyone.
