I Dabble in Menswear

Menswear is foreign territory to me. In the years that I have been interested in fashion, I never cared for menswear. It just seems so limiting compared to womenswear. On the one hand, you could say that that is what makes it so interesting. When people are given little leeway, it forces them to create something new out of what they are given. There's really more challenge in menswear to be able to produce something fresh. I enjoy a lot of theatrics and drama in fashion, so I was never really drawn to menswear. However, through the maturation of my tastes, I have learned to enjoy more constructed and minimalist designs and so I thought I would finally check out the side of menswear (where I figured they relied heavily on tailoring and fit to improve a garment). (Who am I shitting? The reason I got into menswear was for the male models) (I am a fashion scholar, I do what I want!) I'm still a n00b at understanding and appreciating menswear and I can never form comprehensive critiques about the collections other than "I like it" and "Wow this blows"

But anyway, I still humor myself by looking at all the menswear collections! Some of my favorite designers do menswear too so I always like to see what they come up with. But then there are always those who only remind me how little I understand of this niche that is menswear. This season there were these:

Damn it I shouldn't have told all those chicks to watch me model!!

This needs no caption

Oh my god!!! Perfect outfit for our Lego Land x Astronaut cosplay!!

I'm Medusa's defective twin brother

I don't even fucking know what's happening man I'm just so scared

Prince and Lebron had a gayby

Biker snail

Uh the extravagance of my mustard cashmere juxtaposed with the garbage behind me is ART

Feel bad for this guy

In what planet would any of this work?

Remember Plank from Ed Edd and Eddy? He met Rick Owens

Why do even have to separate menswear from womenswear if they won't follow the norms???

This is the male equivalent of the alt girl look: gown + chuck taylors

Prince and Edward Scissorhands have a gayby

#fashin!!!!!

But in all seriousness (maybe not in ALL seriousness, it is fashion after all!) I do find some menswear collections to be thoroughly enjoyable! Not all of them befuddle me. This season, I enjoyed the quirky prints and textures inspired by John Waters from James Long. The stained glass print pieces from Alexander McQueen were  amusing, although sometimes I feel as if my bitterness towards Sarah Burton clouds my judgement. Maybe she's actually a good designer or maybe she sprung from the devil's asshole to destroy all that Lee worked his precious life for. Richard James showed a collection of posh suits and deep colored sweaters. It kind of has that aesthetic of a rich party Italian older guy who refuses to bang you in his Mercedes because he doesn't want to get stains on it. Lee Roach presented an almost monochrome collection (a few pieces were in very very dark blue). I always say this: I think boys look excellent in black. The few tiny buckles that permeate the pieces have become the centerpiece of the collection. That and the padded jackets are stellar. Contender for my favorite collection this season. Prada was good, but did not have an obvious theme unlike previous seasons where you would be able to identify the clothes as Prada when you see them worn. The knits and prints at Missoni are always great. Now that's a brand with an identity! Julien David showed a very cool collection with a streetwear flair. Givenchy was like 7th grade when everyone tied their jackets around their waists, but a billion times chicer with less zits and metal mouths. I apologize for this giant paragraph of nonsense, but it'y my attempt at critiquing menswear. Deserving of a mention is Hedi's return to menswear. I wasn't into high fashion when Hedi had his heyday so I can only take people's word for it when they say he was a genius in menswear. But after his blah debut for SLP (previously YSL) and his cookoo behavior, I find it hard to believe. I was still hoping to be proven wrong, but after the presentation of his first menswear collection for SLP, I stand by my opinion of him. I see his vision, because everything in the collection was so extremely cool: from the indie musician models to the music. I am very much attracted to the whole rocker aesthetic that permeates everything Hedi creates, so it puzzles me why I can't get behind his designs (although I found that I do like his work at Dior Homme) and his god damn photography style. But enough about disappointments! You're making the pirate sad!

Sad pirate :(

Ahh okay, enough jokes! I'm actually starting to love menswear more now that I see it's not just suits in different colors. The more ridiculous, the better, as I like to say. Obviously I've a long way to go before I can understand menswear. Remember when I was 13 and I used to think Roberto Cavalli was excellent? LOL. It takes time for people's tastes to mature and I just haven't gotten there yet with menswear! But it's so fun learning about something new! Maybe by 2014 this blog will be dedicated to three piece suits and Nick Wooster. We'll see!

Getting By

A few days ago a close friend of mine posted a tweet that actually made me stop and think. Who would have thought that in the midst of all the "Wow this professor is so boring!!!" and "@hotguy99 let's hang out later ;)" there would be something poignant? The tweet said "Are you contented with just getting by?" It was obviously meant to encourage people, to shake them up and say "do more!" I remember all those times I told myself again and again that all I had to do was get by. I remember when that was the hardest thing in the world to do, when it was a struggle to just be.

But I am better now! Back then, I would look back and try to pinpoint when I started feeling that way, how it all started. I remember in junior year of high school when I would cry in bed but I could never remember why, only that I felt stupid for crying so much. So much of it was feeling stupid and selfish, that my feelings were completely unwarranted. I look back a lot, actually, and I still try to piece it all together. It's all just a blur and it makes no sense at all.

I doubt anyone ever really knew how bad it got, because I joked about it a lot in a self-deprecating manner. I never told anyone. When a friend would confide in me about fights with their boyfriend or betrayal with other friends, I'd think of how they would react if I confided in them that I was almost empty on the inside and something continues to swallow me up. But I never did tell and I avoided what would have been the barrage of pitying smiles and awkward silences. I avoided what would have been my parents telling me to "cheer up and it'll get better." There were no dramatic suicide attempts or anything like that. It sort of makes it that much harder to make sense of it all, because there was nothing concrete, just a lot of feeling shitty and not leaving the bed. I suppose the worst of it all was the first couple years of college. I remember the first week of school, how I wrote down on my notebook that I was happy to be in a new environment and I was almost certain I would feel much better. I didn't. All the people and the activities and the pressure just brought me down. The people, most specially, I think. I won't even try to make any sense of it, because it's pointless.

There was a time I was just waiting. I was waiting for what I thought was the inevitable fact that I would just go nuts or top myself or something. I considered getting help, but I felt stupid. A friend of mine was depressed and she was sent to the hospital for a while. She had to stop school. What do I have to show for my struggles? I didn't need help, it was all in my head, if I wanted to get better I could. Also the feeling of selfishness won over. How could I be so ungrateful of the wonderful life my parents built for me and still ask them to pay some shrink to teach me how to be happy? So I waited. I thought it wouldn't take long. It's been years, I'm bound to go off the rails soon. Then I wouldn't have to ask for help, people would just give it to me. Partly, I also wanted it to reach some conclusion to finally affirm what I had been feeling, that I had not been well and it wasn't just in my mind and I wasn't just being overly dramatic. It never reached that point. I never use the word depression, because I still can't be sure I had it. I never asked for help and was never diagnosed. If I start feeling that way again, I doubt I'll ever get help unless I'm already a self-sustaining adult.

I was sure I wouldn't live through my senior year in college. I wouldn't even be alive to start my thesis. I figured that my situation had gone on for too long, surely it would finally drive me off a building or into moving traffic before I reach Senior year. I never imagined the other option: that it would just go away and I'd get better. I guess that was the least likely possibility then. During my waiting period, I wasn't scared. I thought that when I finally get to the point where I'd want to end it all, then there'd be nothing I could do to stop myself. If I ever reached that point then so be it. And once I finally do it, then there are no regrets, just eternal sleep. Death was nothing to me then. Hearing me talk about it now I think of those emo kids we all make fun of on the internet. But it was how I felt. If I died, then I died. (One of the things that tells me I'm better now is that I'm afraid of dying.)

I couldn't tell you how I got better. How it ended is as much of a blur to me as how it all started. Little things like wanting to meet people and being able to like what I see in the mirror are the tell-tale signs (at least for me) that it's not as bad now. There are still a lot of things that feel wretched to me. And what's hard to understand is that these are the same things that mad me feel wretched before. My appearance, for example, has plagued me my whole teenage life. I still feel as bad about it, but it's a much different, less unhealthy; it's no longer that that would make me feel worthless.

The weird thing about getting better is having to adjust to normalcy. For a long time all I strived for was to get up, not let anyone know of my inner turmoil, not make my parents kill themselves with disappointment, and go to bed. The getting up was what I had the most trouble with, I think, but for the most part, I succeeded and here I am. It really was not easy. I didn't want to expose this metaphor to the public, but here it is. I felt like there was a baby inside me. Not that I was pregnant or anything, but that there was a toddler that I had to indulge and pacify. I had to do things I enjoyed so I would not go into a slump. There was no one to hand hold me through it all. It wasn't like the movies where my gal pals kidnapped me to go out dancing to feel better. No one knew I was fucking dying on the inside, so that same me who didn't want to do anything had to force myself to do something. A lot of the time I didn't even want to do the things I enjoyed, but I had to. Let's say you fucking love bacon (Who am I kidding, of fucking course you love bacon.) Imagine feeling so damn shitty that you start to despise bacon. And then imagine.having to force yourself to eat bacon because you need to feel not shitty. The baby metaphor got lost somewhere, but the point is that I felt like a baby in that I had to have my favorite things or else I would cry. School? Fuck that noise that shit would get me on the edge of a building faster than you could say Critical Theory. So everything just fell by the wayside and all I did was listen to music and study fashion. That was how it was getting by.

I keep saying that there was no clear point where I want from bad to fine and yet there was no gradual adjustment for me. I don't know how to strive for something other than to "get by." What do I do and what am I capable of now? I used to think I wouldn't be me anymore if I was happy. It felt like the sadness was so much a part of me that I'd be gone if it was gone. So it's odd looking back and realizing that it is gone and I am here and I'm still me. Of course I'm still the girl who hit a rough patch but I'm no longer the girl who is in a rough patch. And while I was in that tough time, I wondered what I could be accomplishing if only I was better. But I haven't become a prolific writer or a supermodel or Academy Award winner yet. Nobody can even tell that I'm better now. And I want to work on that. I want people to be able to see how I've improved. I want to prove to myself that I have gotten through the rough patch and I have moved on and I have learned from it and all that wishing to get better so I can be the best me I can be came true.

Barbie Doll

This girlchild was born as usual
and presented dolls that did pee-pee
and miniature GE stoves and irons
and wee lipsticks the color of cherry candy.
Then in the magic of puberty, a classmate said:
You have a great big nose and fat legs.

She was healthy, tested intelligent,
possessed strong arms and back,
abundant sexual drive and manual dexterity.
She went to and fro apologizing.
Everyone saw a fat nose on thick legs.

She was advised to play coy,
exhorted to come on hearty,
exercise, diet, smile and wheedle.
Her good nature wore out
like a fan belt.
So she cut off her nose and her legs
and offered them up.

In the casket displayed on satin she lay
with the undertaker's cosmetics painted on,
a turned-up putty nose,
dressed in a pink and white nightie.
Doesn't she look pretty? everyone said.
Consummation at last.
To every woman a happy ending. 

Marge Piercy

Things I Don't Understand About Misogynists: Slut-Shaming

A few new friends of mine have recently discovered that I am a feminist! Wooh! Of course I've been having to endure the patronizing jokes that I expected would ensue. But sometimes they really do as me to explain aspects of it, like with slut-shaming. Try and make friends with any college student and let's see if they don't actively participate in slut-shaming. My friends, of course, do so regularly, and I try to just keep quiet whenever they do. I've expressed that I don't think judging someone based on their sexual practices is okay. But a few times they've asked me to explain why I believe this and of the times they've asked me 1. They laughed at me and 2. I was drunk at 2am. So I guess I've been wanting to just get it out and finally be able to express myself without the fear of being ridiculed (Hey, you can laugh at me in the comfort of your own homes without me seeing it) so I made this post. Also, once I get started on talking about this subject it's hard to pull back so I felt I just had to give my two cents on this viral video.




First of all, the title of the video "things i don't understand about girls" already bugs me. The title states that this video talks about GIRL issues. Not guy issues. Not guy and girl issues. Just GIRL issues. If sluttiness is about having a lot of sex and both boys and girls have sex, then why is sluttiness only a girl issue? The double standard in slut-shaming has been talked about so many times, but here's the issue. Slut-shaming is a feminist issue, because it targets girls. I've heard far too many an asshole say "guys can be sluts too." Let's not even go there.

When Jenna tries to explain who the "sluts" really are, she cannot form a concrete answer. (1:00) She says that the "slut" is the person we know who we think is a "slut." Okay, take a second  to process that. Here, we can already see that trying to define the concept of a "slut" is impossible, because it's a stupid fucking made-up thing! No one can really define what it is, all they can do is go "you know.... a slut... you know what I'm talking about" and the terrible thing is that we DO know what they're talking about because society has so ingrained it in our heads. This skirt is slutty, drinking with guys is slutty, wearing too much make-up is slutty. It's confusing because these things have nothing to do with the act of sex and yet they're all considered slutty.

(2:00) Then she touches on one night stands and how she doesn't understand them. Jenna, girl, let me tell you that I am with you on that. How she described it was pretty funny because of how accurate it was. It is pretty terrifying getting buttnaked in front of a stranger, but other people think it's fine! Other people love that shit! I hate that shit! But what part of me hating it gives me the right to judge people who love it? None. And in this one night stand segment that the victim blaming starts (2:35). Jenna says that if you have a one night stand then you're in danger of being gang banged. Yup okay fair enough. The statistics don't lie. But then maybe in a different context it would seem like actual concern, but in the context of making a video about "sluts" who she then calls dumb, it is just very judge-y and blame-y (look at me making up words!)

(3:30) She calls out girls who have made really funny claims about how they aren't sluts because butt sex and oral sex aren't actual acts of sex. But yeah, it sounds funny when you hear it, but actually, seems pretty reasonable considering the weird concept we have of virginity. Virginity is never having have had a penis in your vagina and never having had your penis enter one? What about lesbians? Are they all virgins? Do their sex count as real sex? Gays? So it's understandable that these girls are confused about what really counts as sex. In the first place, why do these girls have to insist that they aren't sluts? Why do they have to explain themselves to people just so they won't be judged and looked down on?

Oh and in one point (5:20) she says that she doesn't get excited for a slutty friend who gets pregnant, because they don't know the father. Well, Jenna, that tells us how you feel about single mothers.

(5:30) Yes, of course we should help each other out. If you see someone about to be taken advantage of, help them! But how Jenna has phrased it is that when a girl is drunk and with some guy then asking them if they're okay will get their brain wheels turning and help them realize that they actually shouldn't go home with this guy; that we should "help he sluts of the world make bad slutty decisions." Here's what everyone needs to know: a girl doesn't decide to get raped. That's the rapist's decision to rape a girl. When a girl puts on a short skirt or goes home with a guy or gets really drunk, she doesn't think "Oh yeah I am so going to get raped wooh!" Nothing a girl can ever do can give anyone the right to rape her. Nothing she can ever do will make her deserving of rape. Why does a girl have to act a certain way just so she won't get raped? That's fucked up and dangerous. In this whole segment where she tells us to save the stupid helpless sluts from their stupid helpless selves who make stupid decisions to go home with a guy when they're drunk, she fails to understand a lot of things: 1. That being drunk means you cannot make the best decisions. It happens when you get drunk. It's not because you're stupid, it's because you're drunk. 2. No matter how mentally deficient you are, doesn't mean you deserve or are asking for rape. 3. You don't get raped because of your bad decisions. You get raped because some motherfucker decides to rape you. You could wear a fucking sombrero and five layers of turtlenecks and some asshole could still rape you. You don't blame the person who got raped for her rape. That shit gets you from decent human being to motherfucker who deserves to go through all the circles of hell.

In the last part, Jenna claims that sluttiness, to her, is really just based on sexual acts and not the appearances. She says that she will "only judge you based on "how many dicks you put in your body on a daily basis." Here's the thing, Jenna. Why would you judge anyone? The sex that someone else has is none of your goddamn business. Don't say people are animals because they have a lot of sex. Another really really problematic thing she says is that (8:38) girls who have a lot of sex do not respect themselves and their bodies. It's that rhetoric that I hear so many people have that just grinds my gears. Respecting your body does not mean hiding it. It could mean loving it so much that you show it off to everyone! The point is that you don't get to say how anyone feels about themselves.

Last point, if you think not having so many dicks inside of you doesn't feel good, then alright. But a lot of people like it. If they don't judge you for being so vanilla in the bedroom then don't judge them. You are not above anyone.