Things I Don't Understand About Misogynists: Slut-Shaming

A few new friends of mine have recently discovered that I am a feminist! Wooh! Of course I've been having to endure the patronizing jokes that I expected would ensue. But sometimes they really do as me to explain aspects of it, like with slut-shaming. Try and make friends with any college student and let's see if they don't actively participate in slut-shaming. My friends, of course, do so regularly, and I try to just keep quiet whenever they do. I've expressed that I don't think judging someone based on their sexual practices is okay. But a few times they've asked me to explain why I believe this and of the times they've asked me 1. They laughed at me and 2. I was drunk at 2am. So I guess I've been wanting to just get it out and finally be able to express myself without the fear of being ridiculed (Hey, you can laugh at me in the comfort of your own homes without me seeing it) so I made this post. Also, once I get started on talking about this subject it's hard to pull back so I felt I just had to give my two cents on this viral video.




First of all, the title of the video "things i don't understand about girls" already bugs me. The title states that this video talks about GIRL issues. Not guy issues. Not guy and girl issues. Just GIRL issues. If sluttiness is about having a lot of sex and both boys and girls have sex, then why is sluttiness only a girl issue? The double standard in slut-shaming has been talked about so many times, but here's the issue. Slut-shaming is a feminist issue, because it targets girls. I've heard far too many an asshole say "guys can be sluts too." Let's not even go there.

When Jenna tries to explain who the "sluts" really are, she cannot form a concrete answer. (1:00) She says that the "slut" is the person we know who we think is a "slut." Okay, take a second  to process that. Here, we can already see that trying to define the concept of a "slut" is impossible, because it's a stupid fucking made-up thing! No one can really define what it is, all they can do is go "you know.... a slut... you know what I'm talking about" and the terrible thing is that we DO know what they're talking about because society has so ingrained it in our heads. This skirt is slutty, drinking with guys is slutty, wearing too much make-up is slutty. It's confusing because these things have nothing to do with the act of sex and yet they're all considered slutty.

(2:00) Then she touches on one night stands and how she doesn't understand them. Jenna, girl, let me tell you that I am with you on that. How she described it was pretty funny because of how accurate it was. It is pretty terrifying getting buttnaked in front of a stranger, but other people think it's fine! Other people love that shit! I hate that shit! But what part of me hating it gives me the right to judge people who love it? None. And in this one night stand segment that the victim blaming starts (2:35). Jenna says that if you have a one night stand then you're in danger of being gang banged. Yup okay fair enough. The statistics don't lie. But then maybe in a different context it would seem like actual concern, but in the context of making a video about "sluts" who she then calls dumb, it is just very judge-y and blame-y (look at me making up words!)

(3:30) She calls out girls who have made really funny claims about how they aren't sluts because butt sex and oral sex aren't actual acts of sex. But yeah, it sounds funny when you hear it, but actually, seems pretty reasonable considering the weird concept we have of virginity. Virginity is never having have had a penis in your vagina and never having had your penis enter one? What about lesbians? Are they all virgins? Do their sex count as real sex? Gays? So it's understandable that these girls are confused about what really counts as sex. In the first place, why do these girls have to insist that they aren't sluts? Why do they have to explain themselves to people just so they won't be judged and looked down on?

Oh and in one point (5:20) she says that she doesn't get excited for a slutty friend who gets pregnant, because they don't know the father. Well, Jenna, that tells us how you feel about single mothers.

(5:30) Yes, of course we should help each other out. If you see someone about to be taken advantage of, help them! But how Jenna has phrased it is that when a girl is drunk and with some guy then asking them if they're okay will get their brain wheels turning and help them realize that they actually shouldn't go home with this guy; that we should "help he sluts of the world make bad slutty decisions." Here's what everyone needs to know: a girl doesn't decide to get raped. That's the rapist's decision to rape a girl. When a girl puts on a short skirt or goes home with a guy or gets really drunk, she doesn't think "Oh yeah I am so going to get raped wooh!" Nothing a girl can ever do can give anyone the right to rape her. Nothing she can ever do will make her deserving of rape. Why does a girl have to act a certain way just so she won't get raped? That's fucked up and dangerous. In this whole segment where she tells us to save the stupid helpless sluts from their stupid helpless selves who make stupid decisions to go home with a guy when they're drunk, she fails to understand a lot of things: 1. That being drunk means you cannot make the best decisions. It happens when you get drunk. It's not because you're stupid, it's because you're drunk. 2. No matter how mentally deficient you are, doesn't mean you deserve or are asking for rape. 3. You don't get raped because of your bad decisions. You get raped because some motherfucker decides to rape you. You could wear a fucking sombrero and five layers of turtlenecks and some asshole could still rape you. You don't blame the person who got raped for her rape. That shit gets you from decent human being to motherfucker who deserves to go through all the circles of hell.

In the last part, Jenna claims that sluttiness, to her, is really just based on sexual acts and not the appearances. She says that she will "only judge you based on "how many dicks you put in your body on a daily basis." Here's the thing, Jenna. Why would you judge anyone? The sex that someone else has is none of your goddamn business. Don't say people are animals because they have a lot of sex. Another really really problematic thing she says is that (8:38) girls who have a lot of sex do not respect themselves and their bodies. It's that rhetoric that I hear so many people have that just grinds my gears. Respecting your body does not mean hiding it. It could mean loving it so much that you show it off to everyone! The point is that you don't get to say how anyone feels about themselves.

Last point, if you think not having so many dicks inside of you doesn't feel good, then alright. But a lot of people like it. If they don't judge you for being so vanilla in the bedroom then don't judge them. You are not above anyone.

jams

MUSIC POST! No boring intro this time, let's just get down to the good part!

Another rapper I have come to love is Le1f. Wut has been a contented for Vulture's song of the summer and I think it should definitely win! It's super fun and dance-y and the video is as well! I may not understand everything, but that beat is superb. The lyrics are funny too.


 Oberhofer is a band I discovered recently. Away Frm U is such a feel good song. I loved it from the first time I heard it, which rarely happens for me! This is one of those songs I'm convinced everyone will love once they hear it.


 I first heard this song a few weeks back and I thought it was some good 90s rock, but apparently Peace is a new band with only an EP out. Even though this is some lame Tumblr pastel goth shit going on on the music video, I still really love the song and think the band is super cool. The four track EP is excellent as well. Here's hoping the band does really well so we get more songs!


Just like the previous band, Swim Deep also hails from Birmingham. The first song I head of theirs was Honey and it remains my favorite til now. King City is a close second. I like their reference of Jenny Lindberg who is from another one of my favorite bands, Warpaint. I watched an interview with the band, Swim Deep, not Warpaint, and fell in love with the boys (also they are my age which made me want to date them and at the same time kill myself for being so unaccomplished in comparison). I feel the need to comment about the boys' clothing style, because I like it, I like it a lot. The more like garbage you look, the higher the chance I'd want to smang you.


Amazing all girl band, PINS, just released their debut EP which is named after this song. I know there are very few all girl bands who really make it these days and most of the time they get famous for being an all girl band instead of for the music; that's why I was really surprised to find that PINS' very first songs sound stellar!


 
TOY (another google unfriendly band name) reminds me of The Horrors, another one of my faves. Obviously they have the same playing-music-in-the-dark-with-psychedelic-lights music video formula. Don't worry, they aren't some cheap knock-off! They are just as good (although I may have to listen to more than three songs to make that call). Listen to this song and try not to drown in the lead singer's eyes (it's a difficult feat, trust me).

  MØ is so great that I don't even mind that I have to google her and copy paste her name every time I have to type her. People were saying she's the new Grimes, but I can find some differences. MØ has more of a belting out voice and it really plays well into her songs. Also, she does that whole Lana del Rey thing where she gets vintage clips and pastes them together for videos. Anyway, Pilgrim is by far my favorite of her songs. I think it's such a perfect feel good tune.


 Sky Ferreira is known by most of us as a famous girl who goes to parties and dresses well. I never even knew she was a singer until I followed her on twitter and she kept promoting her music. I figured, oh a pretty and famous girl who is trying her hand at music-- it will definitely be mediocre. Now I love Sky. She is such an inspiration, because her style is exactly my style. But making good music takes talent and I wasn't sure she had it. When this song started popping up everywhere, I figured I'd give it a listen and by the end of the day, I had memorized the lyrics. I don't think it's excellent life changing music, but man is it catchy. So 80s and go great.



 Bat for Lashes' new song, Laura, has gotten quite a buzz already, so I guess I don't have to convince anyone that this is great. Besides, everyone already knows the band from their earlier song, Daniel (which if you have never heard, then you need to get on that, like, right the hell now). Apparently, this song has a really tragic meaning and it really resonates if you give it a listen.


These are just a few songs I wanted to put in. A bunch of things on my playlist right now don't have official music videos yet so I figured it wouldn't be as fun to still put them here. But if you like the songs, talk to me about music, because I literally know no one who doesn't make fun of my music taste, so any acknowledgement would me appreciated. Also most of these are not well-known bands so if you like them, tell ya friends, ya parents, ya professors, ya neighbors, everyone! Help the indie music scene (ew did I just say that?)

ss13

It's some sort of cruel joke from the gods that my finals always have to coincide with fashion month. It's the reason why I look 5 times more harassed than the average college student. I used to write such detailed posts about the collections but now I'll be condensing it to one post. Besides, I'm doing this during my one hour study break. How typical is it that I'm exerting so much more effort into this than my Economics review?

I can't form an objective opinion on this season, because, by the time Milan rolled around, I was just so damn exhausted. Definitely enjoyed all the drama that this season was just full of! I missed Stefano for YSL, though. Hedi was such a flop! Ruffles were all over the shows, but it was only Givenchy that made me a believer in them. There were some excellent collections from new labels. Eudon Choi made great boxy jackets paired with sexy slit skirts. Thomas Tait is a newcomer that I have loved since his first show and he continues to deliver. Dion Lee always brings in his excellent draping, but this season, he combines it with more structured pieces. Markus Lupfer's presentation showed how to make shiny chic-- I would wear every single piece. Dries Van Noten revived plaid in see through fabrics. 3.1 Philip Lim did the same in a few of his pieces. I never thought plaid could be something other than just grungy. 

There were also a lot of disappointments this season. For one, Hedi's debut of YSL or SLP was a huge let down. I do not know of his work in womenswear prior to this season, but I know he is lauded for his menswear in Dior Homme, so I expected a lot-- at the very least a good androgyny themed collection. It ended up being a dark boho cowboy mix that would pass for a Rachel Zoe collection. I did like the pants, though. Raf's RTW debut for Dior was also not as great as I was hoping for. I would give it a 7/10. The models kept tripping on the runway, which made for an exciting show. I also did not like Lanvin. Alber consistently makes great clothes, and he did make good pieces this season, but it seemed messy. I wish he had left the boxy trend alone and stuck to what he does best. Margiela was more commercial this season (probably to ease people into their H&M tie up). It was actually the good kind of commercial: clean and subtle. Proenza Schouler did nothing for me. I found the leather patchwork to be abhorrent, but the digital print dresses were very good and almost saved the show! 

To conclude, I think my favorite things from this season are that there was so much drama and also the fact that there were a lot of surprises when it came to which collections I liked and didn't like. I'm glad to be taking a break from the sleeping late to watch livestreams and rushing home to look at runway photos!

Top 5 Collections (in no order):

1. Dries Van Noten
2. Alexander Wang
3. Haider Ackerman
4. Givenchy
5. No. 21

Top 5 Models:

1. Julia Nobis
2. Antonina Vasylchenko
3. Hedvig Palm
4. Kel Markley
5. Nastya Kusakina

Top 5 Dramas:

1. Simons vs Slimane showdown (with Simons as the clear victor)
2. Horyn vs de la Renta "hotdog" "hamburger" debacle
3. Slimane vs the rest of the fashion world
4. Slapping at Zac Posen
5. YSL to SLP to SL mix ups

Favorite looks:

Happy Feet

It's been a crazy couple of days here, and not because I've been doing a lot of things, but because the country is literally about to be submerged in water. It isn't anymore such a surprise when a storm this damaging hits the country. I actually expect one every year. It is sad that so many people are losing their homes and loved ones, because of poor drainage systems, pollution, global warming, etc. I haven't had classes since Wednesday and won't be having them until Saturday, so I've been getting school work done. Hopefully, by tomorrow, I'll be finished with my requirements and I get to help in packing and giving out the relief goods to the victims!

For the past few weeks, getting dressed has been a real treat for me, because I love layers, and the rainy season is the only time I get to wear them!  But footwear was such a hassle, because my shoes would fall apart when they got wet from the rain. After weeks of searching for rain boots, I couldn't find any decent ones being sold in the Philippines. So I just dreamt of the rain boots I have always wanted but could never afford. Surprisingly, not enough designers make rain boots. I guess millionaires don't have the problem of flood waters. For those of us who can only dream of braving the rains in Prada, I've made a list of my top 5 most coveted rainy day footwear!

1. Prada Fall 2009

2. Acne Pre-Fall 2012

3. Louis Vuitton Fall 2011

 

 or DSQUARED Spring 2012

4. Margiela Tabi

 

5. Cheap Monday Spring 2011

 What are you donning to keep your feet dry this season? xx